I know I said in my last post how easy this job is. and, it IS pretty easy
but there are some things that make it really frustrating. One of my schools in particular, I just don't know what is expected of me, or how to plan, so I mess up a lot and a lot of time gets wasted because of it. I feel like... someone should be helping me in this respect, letting me know "Oh, you can only do this and this, so keep that in mind". I express this to fellow ALTs and they are like "Oh, that's your responsibility, you should know that, you should figure that out on your own." Honestly, I say, I have never done this before, so how do you just KNOW? They say, "Oh, we are new at this too, yet we are doing okay (a.k.a. what is wrong with you?)".
All I can say is I'm already doing the best I can, obviously, so that fact that I make mistakes is an indication that I don't KNOW what mistakes I'm making. They say "Well, then, just fix it" and I keep asking "Fix WHAT?"
Perhaps they don't realize what their lack of empathy does to me, but... it's like, if other ALTs don't know what I am going through, then who does?
At such times, I feel so incredibly alone.
...
Today we all got comments from our schools about our performance. While the things they tell me I need improvement on frustrate me, I did get good comments on my overall attitude. Sometimes, I get so frustrated and upset because I don't know what I am doing and there is no one who can help me but... I always try and come back to that. To have a good attitude, to be cheerful, THAT, at least, is something that I can do, is in my control. Have to remind myself to use that attitude when dealing with all this frustration, to use it to keep moving forward, to take the negative and make it into something I can improve on, not just drag me down.
It mays seem stupid to some people that I even have to go out of my way to say such things. However, for me, it is very difficult, that part of the challenge of this whole experience is to remember to always be positive. This is not part of my nature.
I do want to say, since this is a sort of Phase 2 (a.k.a. "I hate Japan") post, that these are just moments, just days, where things overwhelm me. They do not overshadow my whole experience here. Don't worry about me too much.
coping Baer
Posts
You have to treat teaching like self-employment. In all the years I've been teaching I've never gotten anything but obstacles thrown at me by administrations. Always focus toward the students and away from the administration and you'll feel better, and you'll begin to figure out how to be a better teacher! Even when people want to help, I've found it doesn't work very well. Trial and error is the key.
ReplyDeleteHey Lindsey,
ReplyDeleteFeel free to call me if you want to chat. Basically, what my Elementary classes want you to do are play "English" games. I spend a lot of time at my desk making disposable props, but the teachers seem very happy as their kids run around yelling "What is this?" and "It's a potato." Not what I expected, either, and not what I think will lead to amazing language skills. But then again, at 4th grade, they are still in the group where it's an intro to the concept of the language and they want you to make it FUN!
You have kids running around? Wow, I thought my kids were bad with the sleeping, and the shouting out of "Let's go love hotel," and the refusing to do their work. I'm sorry you're having Phase 2 moments. At least you aren't alone. I've had a number of them, too, because of the behavior of the jr high students.
Let me know if I can help any! I wish I could run up to Tokyo and hang out with you. Looks like you have a blast there. I just go to Aeon Mall here and wander around by myself.
~Jennie